So I have been having regular counselling sessions for four weeks now. When I first sat down in the chair and started talking, I felt like I was just rambling on. After you’ve been through something traumatic and hurtful, it can sometimes be hard to pinpoint exactly where to start. And I have seven years worth of experiences to go from, so my brain didn’t have a clue where it wanted to begin!
To be honest, until yesterday I had found the sessions simply positive. Having a personal and private outlet allowed me great perspective on my own thoughts and feelings. It simply allowed me a almost birds eye view on my feelings and allowed me to take appropriate steps to make positive movements towards my future. But yesterday, that was a whole different ball game. Yesterday, I began to confront my past.
I guess like most it takes me time to build trust, I’ve built rapport with my counsellor now and the trust is there I’d say. So I started to open up about some deeper things. Once this began, it was like my brain started to open up to what it’d shut me off from. I was seeing flashes of distant memories hammering at the fore-front of my mind, my body cringed a few times at the repulsion of some of the memories being presented to me.
I am a strong individual, I’ve been through a lot. I have put in a lot of work to take the appropriate steps to not only begin healing, but to take the next step up in my personal development. I think confronting and accepting your past is only a part of the healing process. Pushing forward and working on your internal energies, habits, beliefs and perspectives is another crucial part of the process to personal betterment.
Often, the person you needed to be to survive, is not the person you need to be to thrive.
All that being said, now that I have finally begun to venture into my past experiences and traumas, I got home last night and cried for a few hours. I was emotionally and mentally drained. I actually woke up at 3am fully dressed. First time that’s ever happened without vodka being involved. But that’s how drained it made me!
There is no way about it, it’s not an easy outing putting in the work necessary to heal. It’s easier to just keep walking forward, many a person in my life has said about the past being the past. Let it lie and move on. I have a different outlook. What you experience and go through in life, can either be a tool for personal betterment, learning and growth or a tool for self destruction, negative ways of thinking, toxic habits and limiting beliefs. So I believe confronting and dealing with your emotions, thoughts and feelings stemming from what you’ve experienced in the past is very important. And rest assured no matter what strength you have inside, it’s tough.
But worth it.
So for those of you either on the waiting list, about to start, or considering counselling I say go for it, give it time and be open to it. Garunteed everyone has different methods and moves at different paces but as someone who is merely touching the tip of the iceberg with these counselling sessions, I already can commend it for its positive impact.
Feel free to share your own experiences or thoughts. Maybe counselling didn’t work best for you if so share what was best for you. You never know who you can have an impact on by simply sharing.
I also am very aware how extensive the waiting lists for counselling and therapies can be, so I plan on sharing a top list of things I did which helped me process and digest things during my time waiting for my sessions to begin. As ultimately the work begins with you anyway.
Ending on a positive note, I’m viewing a flat on Thursday with the intention of putting a deposit down with a friend of mine, providing we like it. I’ll be doing a blog post about how nerve wrecking the idea of independence and adulthood can be for us eighteen too twenty something year olds. Yeah that’s right even a self proclaimed warrior like me gets nervous sometimes…Cue eye roll!
Thanks for reading!